How to Feel Calm Before Birth (Even If You’re Anxious)

Hello again birth nerds,

Today I'm going to have a little yarn about feeling calm about birth. Now, I hate the idea that we are trying to be 'perfect' or instagram worthy in birth, so this blog is certainly not about that. That's quite the antithesis of what I am always prattling on about. If you've been following along for a while, you'll know that if you are feeling observed or not completely uninhibited in your space (whether via a camera pointed at you or a midwife you don't feel totally comfortable with) then you may find some tension in your body and in your mind. You're capacity to 'let go' here is your best birth friend.

When I had my first baby, I had already been a midwife for 8 years and had plenty of experience with birthing women - it was certainly not my first rodeo. I had a beautiful, excited, nervous energy going in for my induction (stubborn 42 week baby!) But I would be lying if I said there weren't moments of being afraid. My second baby threw me a curveball with my waters breaking the day before my estimated 'due date' pre-labour. That totally sent me into a tizz, and I had a huge flood of cortisol and adrenaline that I had to move through in order to allow my body and mind to surrender into labour. My third and final babe came after 41 weeks. I had a massive crisis of confidence sitting at the dinner table before my labour had even started. We all go through moments where we doubt our capacity and strength.

So, if you’re pregnant and feeling anxious about birth… you’re not alone.

Even the most grounded, "capable" women can feel a quiet (or loud) undercurrent of fear when they think about labour. Will I cope? What if something goes wrong? What if I panic? What if I lose control? We live in a world where the only birth stories we hear or share are the ones that make your toes curl. What is our messaging about birth?

Ask yourself these questions, and I want you to really connect with the answers that are coming up:

• What is in your subconscious mind about labour and birth?

• What do you currently understand about birth?

• How does your body work to birth your baby?

• How does your mind work to allow your body to birth your baby?

If you are responding with anxiety and fear - do you really believe that birth is safe and natural, or do you actually think it is scary and painful - a 'punishment' even? How many times have you heard someone say 'it's the worst pain you can imagine!'

So, if you're pregnant and trying to prepare for labour and birth, my first piece of advice is to start filling your mind and your subconscious mind with the most positive stories about labour you can find. Look up orgasmic birth, it's a great place to start. My second piece of advice is to educate yourself. Of course I would say that - I am a birth educator. But this deeply held belief comes from years of experience watching women and their partners fumble their way through the birth room just hoping for a good experience. Of course, educating yourself doesn't come with a magic 'perfect birth' guarantee, but it is the best way you can prepare your mind for your upcoming endurance event.

I shouldn't expect that many people wake up and decide they want to run a marathon that day without any training. I'm quite sure there aren't many (if any) athletes standing at the starting line of any race without having done some serious training. How do you train for birth? You train your nervous system and control your internal belief system. This is where Calmbirth is powerful, we address the physical aspect of birth (so you know what your body is doing and why), as well as your mindset and nervous system. Feelings of calm and strength on your birthing day come from training and visualisation, creating pathways in your brain to tell your body "I am safe". The other compounding factor? When your partner inherently trusts you and your birthing body, and has an infectious sense of calm. This also comes from knowledge and practice. Preparation changes your experience of birth. Not because it removes intensity, but because it builds confidence.

My third piece of advice is to connect with your breath. Find the most powerful way to use your breath in challenging situations to bring you back into your body and take control of your mind. The best way I have found to do this is through meditation and mindfulness. My fourth piece of advice - stretch your physical capacity and push your limits of endurance. However this looks for you, get comfortable with being uncomfortable (also- see my previous blog post about this topic!) Stretch your tolerance of and relationship with pain, and while you're there, go and read Rhea Dempsey's book Birth With Confidence, it's the best.

If this stirred something in you — even just a small awareness that you’d like to feel steadier — then come and sit with me. Calmbirth is where we unpack all of this — the physiology, the mindset, the breath, the belief systems. You can check out the next class dates here; held locally on the Sunshine Coast over a full weekend. I keep them small and personal so I can meet the needs of everyone who attends.

Until next time xx